WARNING! Shameless bragging alert!

Yesterday was awards day at the elementary school. I took off half a day to go see the ceremony. I’ve never done this before but I was formally requested to come: “Daddy, are you coming?” In addition though, the principal himself had mentioned to Melissa that we both might want to be present. I thought this was unusual since I’ve never seen fit to go see kids get certificates for having perfect attendance but this time I went. Good thing too.

To put it mildly, Evan kicked butt.

And took names.

Let’s see, let me count the awards – Mr. College Admissions Guy, I believe that’s THIRTEEN, count ’em, 13, awards! HA! Stick that in your hat and smoke it! Maybe Evan will attend your sorry university and maybe he won’t! Show me the money!

Before I get struck by lightning for losing track of my modesty, I will repeat something Evan said to me last night and that is that most of these were just certificates for being members of this or that club but two of them stand out.

The first is the Art Award. This one is basically an award for being the best artist. The art teacher was really excited; she’s young and enthusiastic and can still get excited. The music teacher had a similar award and tried to look excited but even though the voice was “excited”, the face said “get the heck out of my sight”. Too bad; the music teacher is young too. She shouldn’t be so uptight. The award consisted of a certificate and a nice wall plaque. There is also a little brass plate with his name on it that goes on a bigger plaque in the hallway. Evan really doesn’t like such attention but we’re working on him to teach him to wallow in it every so often. He’s not a little monster yet but we’re working on him.

And then…a drum roll please… the President’s Award. As in: president of the United States. This one is for good grades. It came with a certificate, a tiny pin, and a letter from George W. himself. No it didn’t say “Greetings from the President of the United States, etc.” Nothing about reporting for duty or anything. The text is as follows:



February 13, 2001

Congratulations on receiving the President’s Education Award. Mrs. Bush and I are delighted to join with your family, friends, and teachers in recognizing this wonderful achievement.

I believe that we, as a nation, must turn the hearts of our children toward knowledge and character. In earning this honor, you have used your talents and shown your personal commitment to educational excellence. You are a shining example for other young people throughout our country.

I commend you for working hard in school and for meeting the highest academic standards. I am confident that you will build on your success and continue to strive for even highter goals in the future. God bless you.


*sniff* I didn’t even vote for the guy. Thanks Dubya.

Here’s a rundown of some of the other awards categories and what they were for. Many of these were handed out.

Award What it was for
Computer Club Coming to school early every other tuesday and eating donuts in the computer lab
Wellness Award Not bothering the school nurse
Citizen Award Not bothering the teacher
Citizenship Award Not bothering the principal
Perfect Attendance Do I really need to explain it?
Completing fifth grade Sadly, this is a big deal for a few kids

There were others but I’m starting to feel guilty about bragging. Before you ask, no Erin was not left out. These awards ceremonies tend to run long so the first and second graders have their own abbreviated version a week before. There aren’t as many awards to hand out. Erin got one for reading the most books of any second grader. She was not too impressed with it; she seems hacked off that she hadn’t won some other award. I didn’t ask. She said that she won the “most books” award last year and wanted to sweep all the rest of them this year. Not a bad goal but we’re working on when not to be a perfectionist. To everything there is a season.

I scanned all these awards and was about to put the images out where they could be seen by all but then I thought “if I do this, I can hear the gagging already.” I’ll just leave things as they are. But, before you judge, consider this: I work with a guy who is childless and who has just spent $600 on a digital camera. It takes 3 megapixel pics and, to my knowledge, he has (after having this thing for two weeks) taken only one picture of his cat. Now, which is worse? Me scanning my kids’ awards or some poor childless geek taking 3 megapixel pictures of his cat? (this is a really cool camera by the way. if he doesn’t come up with a more worthy subject, I may have to kill him just to get his camera)

They say insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids. But, I submit that if you have no kids, a different sort of insanity sets in. You eventually wind up buying a BMW and waxing it, detailing it every weekend, and generally doing anal retentive, self indulgent things like that. One of our single, middle-aged neighbors actually mows his yard in his dress clothes – suspenders and all. What’s that all about? The answer: We’re all crazy – some just get caught. With that in mind, I think maybe I’ll just scan a few more of my son’s awards.