Well, I forgot to send everyone a greeting from the latest pseudo-holiday. It’s been a busy week what with the corporate takeovers and all.

I greeted St Patrick’s Day as I usually greet any Saturday: with a trip to the hardware store. Imagine my surprise when I go in to find two guys in there in kilts. One fighting with a bagpipe, the other standing by a drum. I knew then that the trip was going to get scary.

Word to the wise: when a bagpipe is playing, you can’t think – much less remember what size bolts you needed to hang that light fixture. Good thing I had a list. Furthermore, what did bagpipes and hardware have in common? A full week later, I’m still wrestling with that one. As far as I can tell, they were *losing* customers rather than retaining them. I, for one, got out of there ASAP.

And that brings us to the biggest question of all. Why, on an Irish-themed holiday, did they choose to drag in a Scottish-themed music (Ha!) group? My guess is that most Oklahomans that are into hardware don’t make much of a distinction between the two. It’s “Americans” and “Foreigners” to most people around here.

As I wandered the aisles, walking past things like 1/2 inch nipples and mill bastard files I wondered: “How do you explain that sort of thing on your VISA bill?” The world may never know.

And as I look out on the vast, glorious tapestry of human life, I think to myself “Boy! There’s a lot of fat, ugly people around here!”

I need to lose weight.

There’s a Boy Scout campout this weekend – Evan’s first. Should be interesting.

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